that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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