u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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