omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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