I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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