honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize