i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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