Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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