Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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