I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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