Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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