We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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