Plan B is the new Plan A
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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