Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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