the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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