are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
please come you make the beer taste better
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
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Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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