youre lurking in front of me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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