Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize