Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize