Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize