You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize