If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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