Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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