so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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