I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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