I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
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I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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