im six kinds of drunk right now
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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