Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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