i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
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Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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