He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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