I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize