last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So much Jack, so little girl.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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