Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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