i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
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She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
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