Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I forget how to act sober
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