she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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