It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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