Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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