I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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