he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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