Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
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I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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