Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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