I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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