It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
be right there i have to get my cape
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize