She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize