i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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