3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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