Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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