sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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