You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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