Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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